Good morning lovelies! It’s a short week and many plans are afoot for getaways and slow meals and Easter egg hiding. Whatever you celebrate this time of year, its a lovely opportunity to gather special people around a table and look them in the eye and give thanks for them.
Once you have done a little living (ahem, ‘aged’) it becomes clear that life is full of mystery and pain and joy. And its not often we ever get to predict the arrival of any of those. The older I get, though, the more mystery seems to be a constant to me!
Lat night I got a phone call from a dear friend in a lot of pain. And as much as I wanted to crawl through the phone and wrap my arms around them, it was another reminder that there is no ‘taking away pain’. Rather there is: Sit with you until pain passes.
“When we are willing to stay even a moment with uncomfortable energy, we gradually learn not to fear it.” – Pema Chodron
It is uncomfortable. And no one is putting their hand up asking for this feeling to last. But when you are in it, you need to be in it. Allow it to shape you so that you can move through it.
Well, my friend got brave enough to call me. Isn’t that beautiful? Do you feel like calling someone when you are in the pain? Telling someone about the part you played, voicing your shame? No! Of course you don’t! It seems far more preferable to climb into a cave and wait for the storm to pass.
But that is not loving yourself.
Can you see that? Can you see that hiding away and berating yourself and getting angry about the poor choices you made is not kindness toward yourself?
It is huge to open yourself when you are in pain and receive an embrace. Even (maybe especially) when you are the one giving it to yourself.
So, where are you feeling alone? Which parts of yourself do you still have hiding in a cave? Are you ready to embrace every part of your beautiful self?
I have found that often times we need to ‘teach’ people how to love us. By this I mean, you may finally have given yourself permission to go call that person and unwrap your dark secret. And then they freak out.
But, perhaps we need to tell people what we are expecting, what we are hoping for.
“Hi, I have something I need to talk to you about. But I am really afraid of your reaction. I just need you to listen right now and hold me.”
We think people know these things. People don’t. We are often all stuck in our own heads, dealing with our own stuff.
Part of getting brave enough to speak your story is getting brave enough to love yourself so fiercely that people know how to love you back.